I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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