Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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