how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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