I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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