Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
