so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How naked do you want me to be?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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