I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
