Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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