dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
