They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They took my balls.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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