dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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