but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
