Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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