Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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