she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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