You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
