Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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