This girl is more easily done than said...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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