If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
