she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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