I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
