I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
