At least make sure they are 18
Why
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
