I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
