I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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