my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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