getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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