She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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