My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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