His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
