I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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