Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
