Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
