i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
don't judge my taste in strippers
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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