that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you had me at cake vodka
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
