I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
