Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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