It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
