A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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