I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
