Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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