Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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