Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
