he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
