Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
