There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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