Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
