I cockslap morals
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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