Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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