I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
