smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
