Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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