first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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