I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
