I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
