No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
