i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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