someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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