do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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