Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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