I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If its not for food we ain't going out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
