She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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