Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
