I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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