Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
