More tranny stories later!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
