Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
