You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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