the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You ruined the universe
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
