That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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