Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are all done wearing pants today
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
