Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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