Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
