i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
