ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk is a universal language darling
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