Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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