why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
