Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
